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Kids and Grief
The ABC's to Helping Children in Bereavement
Avoid cliches' ... such as:
“He went to sleep.” (Creates a fear of sleep or night)
Suggestion: "He died last night. This is sad and we will
all get through this together."
"God took her because he loved her so much."
(Creates a fear of God, love, others dying)
Suggestion: “We believe she is in heaven and God
knows how much we miss her.”
Bill of Rights for Kids
From Dr. A. Wolfelt
A child has a right to:
Her own feelings
Talk about the death or his feelings whenever he wants
to
Show grief in her own ways
Expect help from home, school, church, etc.
Get upset about normal everyday problems
Question the cause of death
Talk about his memories of the deceased
Child’s Perception of Death
As children age, they become more aware of the permanency of death and also more interested in the biological information about death. Children at different ages will have different understandings about death and that will change as they grow older.
Develop Rituals
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Make a book of memories, letters, pictures, etc. to keep adding to each day, week, year.
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Give a bell with the deceased’s name on it and ring the bell when feeling sad.
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Break a small clay pot, and write the problems with grief and loss on the pieces of the pot. As each problem is overcome, glue them together. Display in a central location when finished.
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Create your own meaningful ritual for each holiday and special occasion.
What to Expect When Kids Return to School
Children may exhibit behaviors such as:
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Acting like the class clown
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Rejects old friends and takes on new friends that have experienced loss
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Acting anxious about being separated from other family members (especially a parent)
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Dropping out of activities
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Preoccupation with the medical causes of death
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Appearing to be unmoved by the death during school time
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“Throwing” themselves into their school work
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Seeming overly sensitive and fearful
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Attempting to phone home or to other family members during school hours
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Preoccupied with own death
When Professional/Outside Intervention May be Necessary
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When a child pretends absolutely nothing has happened.
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News or significant information was kept from the child for a long time or untruths were told.
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He or she panics frequently.
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The child had a difficult relationship with the deceased.
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He or she seems unwilling to socialize.
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Assaults others or animals.
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Begins use of drugs or alcohol.
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Threatens harm or suicide.
Professional counselors and other mental health practitioners specializing in grief and loss can often help accelerate recovery from traumas and deal effectively with emotional issues.
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